i need a nap

Dear Sis,
I'm sad that we can't help you with whatever it is that keeps you from completing your day to day tasks.

You are bright, smart, funny, talented and caring. You are so great with the little kids. You are fun to be around. You make everyone smile. However, none of these amazing qualities shine through when you choose to be unmotivated, destructive and disrespectful.

I have seen you do well with school. Never liking it, but do well. I have seen you spend hours on homework and hardly complain. You make friends well. Teachers call to tell us how much they like you. Then you throw away all of the good by disrespecting teachers, choosing not to do homework, choosing not to go to school. I can relate to anxiety, stress, frustrations, waves of emotions, but you have to choose to deal with those things in order to have a meaningful life. Everyone has hurdles to overcome. Just ask them, most will tell you.

We all love you, your mom, dad and me. We want you to do well. We want you to be happy and proud of yourself, confident in all of your talents. But this situation is just like a drug addict that you've seen on tv during our Intervention marathons. The family can't kick the drug habit for the addicts. The addict has to choose to use the tools that are given to them to have a better life. Its never easy, but you see how much better they feel when they are clean and sober. You have to use your therapy, the school counselors, medication, support systems and self-discipline to get through this. We can't do it for you.

Your dad and I are upset that you have to move out. but we gave you the same rules as everyone else in the house: Go to school, Do your homework, Help out around the house and Be respectful. You have made the choice not to follow those rules. I worry about how much the girls will miss you. They love you so very much. They worry about you. But I don't want them learning that its ok to skip school, not do homework or be disrespectful to your parents. You love them. I know you want better things for them, the same way we want them for you. This is just like the way you take time to teach them the importance of bathing everyday and combing their hair.

I do worry about how you'll do at your mom's. I know she loves you and that is why she has decided to give you another chance at her house. I worry because you have bad patterns already in place there. You take out your frustrations on others, especially your mom, when things aren't going your way. You have confessed yourself that you manipulate her to get what you want, but that is not the person you want to be. You will have to work even harder to overcome those bad habits now.

I hope you get the help you need. I hope you know how much your dad and I love you. If we didn't love you, then we wouldn't care so much about your future. And because we care about you is the reason its "tough love" time. I know you'll probably be angry and want to blame us for these consequences, but I hope you won't cut us out completely. We are here to give you support, but we can't bail you out anymore.

I love you. I hope you can find a way to take control and turn things around.
You are an amazing girl.

K