can we just restart the game from scratch?

I'm struggling today. Power issues. Control issues. Issues with lacking power. Issues with lacking control.

Work: My boss is a jerk. She can do many things right, but her management skills are nil. I hate that she was appointed my superior when I feel she is not qualified, nor is anyone training her to be in management. She holds many aspects of my work life in her clutches but carelessly dangles them oblivious to the pit that is below me. Okay, that was dramatic. I just don't like her.

Kids: The kids have spring fever. Miah is spazzing out (which means she's happy, but its still annoying.) Trinity has lost total interest in anything school related and motivating her to do homework or even get up to ride the bus is a chore. Zeph is the king of the "naughty list" at daycare for the past week and a half. He spent all of last night in his room other than his passes to eat dinner and shower. Savannah is just (barely) going through the motions of school. If it weren't for her being pleasant to be around at dinner and her silliness in playing with the others,
I would classify her as a train wreck. We can lead a girl to therapy but can't make her drink...

I'm frustrated that I can't just plug in my little robots so they will rise, shine, succeed, smile and start over again repeatedly. (Yes, I'm aware that would be boring and I would miss their quirks, but blogging doesn't require me to be logical or rational.)

Exes: Jason shares three children with his ex-wife. They will always have that tie. I understand it, and respect it (except on those days where I'm not logical or rational). The ties to my own ex are nearly completely severed, but it is still there for eternity. (ugh) The fact that our previous lives will always affect our current life is sometimes hard to swallow, especially in regards to the children.

My kids still have their birth father's name legally attached to them. That means confusion when in our family of 9 looks like this: 1) Jason has his own last name. 2) I have my maiden last name, which I'm keeping always, 3) Sis has her dad, Jason's last name, 4) Kainon has my maiden last name, 5) Wrigley has his dad, Jason's last name, 6) Miah has her birth dad's last name, and interchanges calling Jason by his name or "Dad" 7) Junah has his dad, Jason's last name, 8 and 9) Trinity and Zeph presently have their birth dad's last name, but they consider Jason "Dad" and introduce him as such.... Follow all that? It is a big blended record of where we've all been and where we are now.

Parenting Jason's three is difficult for me because no matter how much time/effort I put in, I can always be trumped with "you're not the mother." Granted this is a common step-parent plight, but when Sis lives with us full time, yet her mom is 10 minutes away, it seems more in my face. For example, Sis missed school when she was visiting mom's. Jason and I have rules/consequences for this, but we can only enforce it when she is at our house. We can't control what her mom chooses to implement for punishment, but that choice still affects our household when she comes back. The four other kids that live with us want to know why she could skip school and then still be at friends' all weekend. Granted she is still grounded once she is home, but the inconsistency is hard to explain (and swallow.)

I'm not making any sense. That is a common repercussion to frustration.

Love my family. Love my Jason. Not loving this arrangement. Not really loving this blog post either.

(I'm going to put a rockin' playlist on my iPod. That should help my mood.)